Sweet Mikkie,
It's crazy how much stress and emotional trauma a person can endure and still live to tell the tale. Stress has been bubbling up for a while and seems to have boiled over. So much stress that it's caused several physical ailments. Stress, it's a killer.
It seems like any problem that arises is amplified by my grief; I always have this painful hole in my heart from losing you so when more drama comes up, life tends to be a bit overwhelming and I keep wondering how much can a person take before they just kill over? I don't want to find out.
I seriously need to find some healthy ways to relieve stress, it's not healthy to keep feeling like this. I don't want to keep feeling like this. My goal right now is to build myself up. If I don't, I can't be there for my kids like I want to.
I tell you what, you and your siblings are my greatest treasures and give life more meaning than I could have ever imagined. You are my source of sanity. The gospel too. What comfort it gives me.
Speaking of comfort, you know the places where I feel greatest peace at? The Temple and your place of rest. Both are so sacred to me. When I need some time to think or a break, I find myself yearning to be by your side at the cemetery. Very special and beautiful moments.
I love you so much Mikkie. I sure wish I knew how life was all going to pan out, I wish everything that mattered was certain; nothing is certain really, but this I am certain about- I am a child of God, He loves me, I love Him with all my heart, I love the Gospel and the peace it brings me even amidst trial, heartache and sorrow, I love my family, and I know that families CAN be together forever. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can persuade me differently.
Love me always, my sweet girl,
Mama
