It's crazy how one day can be just another day to most while for others it's a day of celebration or grief. Four years, Mikkie, how can that be? It was only yesterday that you were in my arms, looking up at me with that award winning smile and bright blue eyes.
Time seems to have been speeding up each year, it's beginning to be a big blur! That's why even more than ever I'm seeing great importance of living in the moment, being completely present wherever you are and whoever you're with, and giving your full, undivided attention.
Three days ago, it was a beautiful day full of many tears, memories, laughs, cries, smiles, love, support, comfort.... and your unmistakable presence. There was no doubt that you were with us, wow, you made it very clear that you were there! It brought so much comfort to me, I can't describe or explain the feeling I got, but you were there. Memories may fade but I could never forget what your sweet little spirit and presence feels like. I told people, and I was serious, I felt like God gave you the reigns over the weather for this day because He knows what an important day it is, and knew what would give us comfort. There's no way something could be orchestrated so perfectly and at the right timing all by coincidence. There is no such thing as coincidence anyways.
It went like this.....
Started out cloudy, with a gentle wind as we gathered around your grave.
"Every time I feel the wind brush across my face, I’ll think of you sending kisses and blowing them my way."
As soon as daddy and I started talking, sharing our thoughts to everyone, the small rays of sunlight that were peaking through in the distance burst through the clouds, shining ever so brightly and warmly on us. By the time it was my turn to say something, I was overcome with a feeling so strong and knew at that moment you were there.
"Every time I feel the sun shining through the clouds, I'll think of you let me feel the warmth of your love..."
A few tears were shed as others shared poems, thoughts, memories. Rain sprinkled lightly just enough to notice.
"Every time I see the rain falling from above, I’ll think of you shedding tears each time I cry for you"
Rainbow suckers were being passed out to all the kids, when I hear, "Laura, look at the rainbow!!"
I darted over quickly as to not miss any chance of seeing it. There is was.
"Every time I see a rainbow cross the sky, it gives me hope to move forward for another day."
My friend surprised us with butterfly cookies, so sweet.
"Every time I see a butterfly flutter pass, I’ll think of you, oh how fast life transforms to the other side"
I brought out watermelon for everyone to munch on, one of your favorites :) Though I didn't see anyone eat the rind like you ;)
The kids all pranced around having fun, enjoying being together. We had a nice time visiting with each other.
I brought one of your dresses and bows and had Spencer dressed up in it so people could see just how much he resembles you... it's uncanny, especially when you get him dressed up looking like you. :) Your Gramma told me to hurry and take off the dress before she bawled. hah Everyone was gasping and taking pictures of him. I told my friend, who never met you, "Come meet Mikkie!" hah It was great.
Grandma made me take this dress off before it made her bawl. The resemblance of you is just uncanny.
Then driving home... right in front of me the whole drive home, we got an amazing show with a darkened sky, with red/orange clouds, lightning and a little rain. It was quite the sight, I was in awe!
The following day you'd never know we got such a spectacular show, it was back to looking like a regular day. I'm ever so grateful for God's tender mercies.
Usually the balloons go straight up and disappear, but this time they went up out of sight, then a few minutes later we saw them coming into sight again but flying to the East.
Just incredible. Grandpa noticed something in this picture.... look at the top left, do you see the baby?! Man, too perfect.
Your uncle Patrick wrote a poem about you and shared it that night, it was very touching. Especially the fact that he thought of it on his own, I'm very moved by that kind of thoughtfulness. I asked if I could share it...
"Memories are fickle. And can play tricks on your mind.
They often don't last the test over time.
But I can still feel you and know you are there.
And I hold to the hope that i will always still care.
Care enough to remember that I must always be good.
Care enough to try hard when I know that I should.
Care enough to hold on to beliefs that are weak.
Care enough to ask for sweat gentle relief.
It is time to move forward, time to forgive what i lost.
It is time to realize that Mickie will never be lost.
I know there will be a reunion in a happier place.
but it still doesn't stop me from missing your face.
We love you mikkie!"
I could feel his love for you as he read it. You are a very loved little girl, Mikkie. Your sweet spirit did and continues to touch others. A hard day turned out once again to be beautiful, full of much love and support from so many, sweet reminders, sharpening and brightening memories of you, and an incredible closeness with you. Thanks for making it clear to me that you were here with us like I asked, I was paying close attention :)
I love you my precious girl!!