Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Linked

Dear Mikkie,

I just got a little insight this morning that made me think and realize once again how much God is part of our lives, even in the little details.

I was just reading an article that was too perfect. It's like listening to General Conference and hearing a talk or two and knowing that it wasn't by coincidence they are talking about that topic, but because God knew it's what you needed. As I was reading this article, I stopped and my thoughts turned to thinking how I happened on this in the first place. I was on Facebook, saw an article that moved me, leading me to think about some things about myself and things in my life, then I thought about writing down my thoughts in my journal; then I stopped after a few sentences, jumping online to do one thing but instead came to the article. At that moment a thought came to my mind that a good friend had shared with me last month. She had mentioned how sometimes she may get a feeling to see if I'm ok or another friend, and when she find out I'm ok, it's like God had this little process to help her get to the point to talk to me, not because of the fact that something was wrong, but maybe just because we both needed a friend at that moment, and instead of just calling me at the first thought, God knew He had to go a round-about way to get her to talk to me. I'm not sure if any of that just made sense, but I thought of that as my mind ran through this little scenario this morning- I feel God knew that I wasn't going to go directly to the site to find the article; He knew I would be on Facebook and see the article, be moved, stirring up thoughts in my mind causing me to action, leading me to what I feel like I needed to read. This has happened more times than I can count, and I'm not one to believe in coincidence, I believe everything happens for a reason, whether it's something big or just something simple.

It's no doubt to me that God is in even the tiniest of details in our lives. We may not even recognize it more than half the time, but He's there. I think we would be surprised by how many of our thoughts are linked through to Him.

I love you Mikkie.

Love,

Mama
Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Reminders for me

Hello sweet girl,

Life is sweet. Every day is not perfect, I don't always do and say the right things, and the day doesn't always go as well as I expected, but that doesn't mean life's not great.

The other day I was backing out of the garage a little too fast, a little too close to the side, knocking the mirror off. I was in a hurry and just pushed it back on, and later down the road the mirror flung off and was dangling by two cords, thumping against the van, then to my dismay it broke off and flew into the middle of the busy road, almost dragging the bulk of it with it. I turned around, parked on side of the road it was closest to, and waiting for a opening in traffic, I got my prego self out, only to have the sleeve of my coat catch onto the door lock. I had to wait for another chance to run, then made an awkward waddle-dash, squatted to pick up the mirror and threw it back in the van feeling very annoyed that this was making me late. Then I just laughed because, it really wasn't that big of a deal, it was nothing that duct tape couldn't fix and there are much more serious things that could've happened, and this had only been a gentle reminder again to be more careful when I back out of the driveway.

Rewind a week before that. A saturday morning, daddy and I were in the kitchen talking, Faith had just ran out to play and little did we know Spencer had followed her out. Oblivious to anything that just happened, Spencer came bopping around the corner into the kitchen, begging for snacks as usual. I get a text 5 minutes later from my friend/neighbor a couple doors down saying they were leaving, and backing out of the driveway noticed Spencer was right behind them. She noticed our door was open, and nobody answered when she called out Hello, so she stuck Spencer inside and shut the door. Thankfully they are safe drivers and drove slowly to see my little boy. I felt a flood of relief wash over me, and then guilt for not knowing he had escaped out the door, and then the thought of realizing something could've happened to my little boy brought tears to my eyes and my heart sank, yet full of gratitude to God for protecting him. I knew that you, Mikkie, his guardian angel, were protecting your little brother. It took a few hours for me to get over those feelings.

Then just yesterday, just a few miles down the road from us was a very bad car accident involving a smaller car and a big cement truck. It sent shivers down my spine as I looked over the car that had been smashed to smithereens, then tears filled my eyes as I prayed everyone was ok.

These three experiences are reminders to me to take life a little slower, be grateful for every moment, and not get caught up in the thick of thin things.

Each day, each hour, each moment is special and I intend to do my best to make the most of it.

I love you my little girl!

Love,

Mama
Monday, January 6, 2014

Goals

Hello sweet girl,

It's that time of year again... it's just incredible that a new year is upon us and already almost into March! I love this time of year, starting new and fresh, making goals. I don't really like to do New Year Resolutions anymore, but have a specific thing I want to focus on more.

Last year I was focusing simply on being happy. What I've learned is that we are each in control of our OWN happiness. We cannot and should not give the reigns of our happiness to anyone else. And you cannot force anyone to be happy. You have to constantly choose to be happy; no matter what others do or say or think of you, you can choose to let that get to you and effect you negatively, letting them choose your emotions, or you can choose to learn to be ok with what others think and still choose to be happy and show love and be the type of person you want to be. People, especially those closest to us, can greatly influence our happiness, but the minute we allow them control over our feelings (making us feel hurt, angry, sad, etc..) we are in for an emotional roller coaster ride. We can instead think to ourselves...."why does what they said or did make me feel this way? and think it out in our minds until we feel we are ok with the reason." I think once we can become strong enough to feel, with a soft and loving heart, "I'm ok with you needing to feel angry at me." If there's something that needs to be apologized for on YOUR end, you do whatever needs to be done, but if it's on their end... all you can do is be ok with it, and show them love. Seriously that has really truly helped me to be a much happier person! Not relying on others completely for my own personal happiness- I'm happy because I want to be. It's empowering to feel that you can choose to be happy and not let what people say or think get to you, and continue to feel and show genuine love. That's what Christ is like- people were always criticizing him and judging and speaking unkindly of and to Him, but did He let them affect how He felt? He might have felt sad... for THEIR sake, but it did not change his inner happiness. He knew who He was and what His mission was. He could look past people's actions and words and see into their hearts- He loved purely and unconditionally. What an AMAZING kind of love, it just astounds me.
I'm not even in the vicinity of being close to loving like that, but I know that when I do try and practice just loving, I feel closer to Christ and I can see people through His eyes, causing me to feel the love He has for them.

My goal for this year is looking more outwardly- putting myself in other people's shoes, trying to see things from their view.

A quote from Mother Teresa came to mind, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
An instinct for most of us is to jump to conclusions, assuming the worst, maybe not even realizing it and not intending to think ill or have bad intentions towards the other. If something happens, say... someone cuts you off on the road or is going to slow, our immediate reaction or thought is "Wow, what a jerk" or "what's wrong with this person!"  or if the store clerk is not very friendly, we automatically think "Man, what a grump!"

What are we doing in these and many other times? We are judging negatively. We are consumed with thoughts of all the negative things that we THINK are right, leaving zero time to feel or show any love to that person. Pretty much most the time we are wrong about others anyways.

If instead we took each circumstance and stepped back for a minute before we get hijacked on the negativity train, and put ourselves in their shoes thinking what would cause a person to act like or say that? By trying to understand others and how they feel and where they may be coming from helps you to feel more sympathy and compassion for them, leaving zero time to feel negative towards them.
We all want to feel loved and understood right?

I pray I can become this type of person, be a more compassionate, loving person just because I want to, not because people are giving me reasons to (or not giving any which would make me feel inclined to withhold showing love)- I choose to show unconditional love. 

I certainly have an unconditional love for my children. Mikkie, your death has taught me a great deal about this. 
I love you as purely as a mother can. 

Love,

Mama
Sunday, January 5, 2014

Angels among us

Dearest Mikkie,

A friend recently asked me if the holidays have gotten easier for me. I didn't really know how to answer that. Easier as in am I crying everyday and feeling the same heart wrenching pain that was so fresh 3 years ago.... no I'm not. Is it easier in such that the holidays are back to 'normal' and I'm able to handle not having you here with me.... no, things will never be the same. Holidays have been and will forever be changed. It's just the way life is now.

So yes, I'm able to cope better, things are 'easier' in that aspect, but the longing I feel to have you back in my arms and the wishing and dreaming of what life would be like if you were still here will be a constant part of my daily life.

The spirit of excitement for Christmas and watching the kids open their gifts has not left, it's still there, but is also coupled with pangs of sadness as I look at your empty little stocking, and think about what I would have gotten you and how I would have loved to see the pure excitement in your eyes, matching that of your sister's.

Angels have been on my mind a lot, obviously because I'm always thinking of you. I love the song "Angels Among Us" and whenever I hear it I feel a strong powerful feeling testifying of it's truth. There ARE angels among us, seen and unseen, earthly and heavenly.
We all have times when things happen that you just can't explain, and some would chalk it up to coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. There is definitely someone watching out for us. I know there is someone watching out for me, and I know that angels are so very real and so very close. I have felt you so close this Christmas, you have a very sweet, special presence- one that I recognize so very well. You are my personal angel, and have been by my side to comfort me and strengthen me. That's proof that we have a loving Father in Heaven- He loves us so much, and family is not just important but KEY to His plan, that He allows us even beyond the veil to continue helping and blessing the lives of our family.

I recently read a quote by Joseph Smith saying, "If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates."

That's powerful and interesting to me. The fact that is says 'angels cannot be restrained'... says to me that angels are eager to help us, it takes for them to be restrained to not be there, otherwise they are hard at work helping loved ones. How amazing is that!

Here's the words to the beautiful song Angels Among Us. So beautiful, I cannot hear it without getting major goosebumps and get the feeling that an angel is right next to me... and I know who it is :)

I love you sweet, sweet girl!! You are a true angel in my life, when you were on earth, and now in Heaven you continue to bless my life. You are truly Heaven-sent.

Love,

Mama


"I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.

And ain't it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.


They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.
To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love."
Sunday, November 10, 2013

Happy 5!

Sweet baby girl,

Happy birthday today! Such a beautiful day 5 years ago when you came into our lives; we were changed the moment we met you and will always be touched by your sweet little spirit.

Such a day full of bitter and sweet emotions. I feel fine, no tears in sight, one moment then the next tears flood out uninvited. I sure did feel your sweet spirit with us, can't really describe it to anyone and they may not even believe me, but I know what I feel and I know you were here. Who would miss out on their own birthday even if they were on the other side! I know you wouldn't have missed it for anything. I put so much love into everything I did for your celebration, I could just see you loving the purple and butterflies; I just put all I had into giving you an amazing birthday as I could. You deserve a fun birthday party just as much as the rest of our children. I regret never giving you one while you were here, but you sure did enjoy yourself at Faith's candyland one!

Daddy shared some thoughts today and was saying how some may think we are living in the past by continuing to celebrate your birthday with you gone, but we see it the opposite, we are living in the present and keeping you and your memory with us in the now. Remember the quote I put on your book.. "Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." No way in the world am I leaving you behind! You touched our lives too much, and we love you too much to not honor you and the sweet memories you left us with to just let it all be. I want the world to know that this mommy loves her angel girl more than anything and my goal is to never let your memory die.

I was reading something on grief, and it was saying something to the effect that moving on does not mean letting go. Even then I don't like to say moving on, because we're not, we are moving FORWARD, with you along as we meet each new day. Celebrating birthdays, angelversaries....are important times that include a lot of healing for me and hopefully for others who join us... I know we're not the only one who loved you so much and grieve at your loss, so it's nice to be gathered together and talk about you as we all cry, laugh and heal together. No one should be forgotten on their special day EVEN when they're not here... I actually think it's even more important when they're not here, because we need to talk about them even more to keep their memories alive. It will always always just be who I am with the goal to have you be remembered! Especially within our own little family. Faith will never forget you, Spencer and any other future kids will feel like they know you because of how much you are included in our daily lives. You are one incredibly loved girl, I hope you feel it! I hope you saw and felt how much love went into this little party for you, and the love that everyone brought.

I think about you turning 5 today, and memory is just frozen in time of being 21 months old, I keep thinking of the things you would be doing but they all include what an almost 2 year old would do.... I know one thing for sure though, you would be having the time of your life playing with your sister and brother who love you so very much. The image of you three playing together has been going through my mind a lot, and I would give anything to see that for real.... my three angels together, playing happily with each other. Faith is so good to her little brother, I can tell that you have for sure left a sweet impression on that girl, she has a soft spot for little kids and is so good playing with them. It's her honoring you, Mikkie... being super kind to little kids, as I know she's thinking of you, her sweet sister whom she loved to play with and have as her constant sidekick.

At the end of the day, after everyone left, it's almost as if your presence had left too, because the tears came pouring as I looked around at the party aftermath and your sweet little picture in your high chair..... the thoughts came once again... "it's just not fair, to be sitting here at the end of your special day crying and holding your picture, where I should be laughing and holding your little body in my arms so tight. I shouldn't have to be at the cemetery visiting my daughter on her birthday, we should be excitedly getting ready together and primping her up like a princess." Only normal thoughts of grieving mother who loves her angel so much it hurts, literally, and wants nothing more than just to hold her baby just one more time... just once.

I love you birthday girl, thanks for coming to our family 5 beautiful years ago. It was one of the brightest days in my life.

Love,

Mama
Thursday, September 26, 2013

Grandma June

Sweet girl,

The family reunion is just getting bigger up there isn't it? Like I've told many already.... I'm kinda jealous a bit. :)

Last week was interesting for sure. Last Sunday I went to church, then meeting after and right after that  I got a text from my sister saying that sweet Grandma June was passing away. My heart sank. I had just seen her a week ago. We jumped in the car to drive down to the hospital, unfortunately missing our opportunity to say our last goodbye's. Just like that, in a split second she slipped away from this life, leaving her husband of 60 years, 9 children, 38 grandchildren and many great grandchildren.

We had just celebrated their 60th anniversary with them a couple months ago, I'm so glad they got to celebrate that. I absolutely adore my grandparents and the way they treat each other. No one knows true love like the elderly that's for sure. The respect and gentleness my Grandpa Dean showed his sweet wife, so endearing and tender..... and it didn't stop at the hospital. He didn't leave her side. I looked at my grandpa with great respect and admiration as I watched him through blurry teary eyes as he non- stop stroked my grandma's hair; it was very clear to all just how much he adores his wife. Not much more inspires and deeply touches me to the core than a moment like this.

I'm so glad that you got to meet your Grandma June. Several times. I'm so grateful that we made it a point to visit them regularly. I absolutely cherish the pictures and videos and memories I got from those visits.

It was a hard thing to walk into that hospital room, seeing her lifeless body on the bed. Unwanted flashbacks of 3 years prior came to my mind as I remember anxiously walking into your room with the naive hope that you would survive. I had gotten to see my Grandma sooner than I did you, so she was still fairly warm, but the minute I touched my hand to her face, it's like I was shocked as I yanked my hand away and went to daddy's arms to cry, trying fiercely to push those memories into the back of my mind where it's been safely locked away. I replaced them with images of her giving you a huge hug and big huge kisses with lipstick left behind. Telling you how very much your mommy loves you and misses you.
I can imagine the great rejoicing of being reunited with family who's passed on before, including you, tears of joy and gratitude. I also imagine at least a little bit of sadness still? For those whom you have left here. I wonder, when my grandma hurried to give her baby boy the biggest hug, or when she went straight into her mother's loving arms..... did it make you cry at all wishing that was you and I? Because it sure does that for me. These arms are always aching to hold you again, sweet girl.

The funeral was beautiful, and once again it was like being at your funeral all over again, I tried to compose myself as best as I could. I grieve double these days.... little did people know that I was crying over you again as well as my Grandma. It hurts, so why do I put myself through such pain? It is hard, yes... but I know I can do hard things. I've already gone through the hardest thing, so I can do anything. And I would regret if I didn't attend important moments like these, moments you can't get back, so I force myself to be strong and pray for angels to strengthen me as I try to comfort and be there for others.

I want to share a few things that I love about my Grandma:

  • Whenever we would visit her while I was younger, she would give me a brush to play with her hair. She loved to have it brushed (didn't matter if it was pulled hard) and I loved to play with hair! I also love to have people play with my hair, I must've got that from her :)
  • She was ALWAYS happy to see everyone! I always felt important.
  • Famous Lipstick kisses. She would grab our cheeks and give us all a big kiss on the cheek, leaving a lipstick mark :) 
  • Always giving us compliments- "Isn't he just a doll!" or "You're such an angel!" etc
  • Always talking about her family, and how many grandchildren to keep track of- "so many blessings to count" she would say :) 
  • She would go hiking with us while I was younger, for many years.
  • She LOVED to sing. She was almost always singing. At family get-togethers she had everyone gather around the piano to sing. (it was usually at Christmas party. it was great fun!) She was a part of the Jay Welch choir for so many years. Beautiful voice. She was even singing and smiling on her death bed.
  • She loved to hear us sing and play the piano anytime we came over. She thoroughly enjoyed hearing us perform. 
  • I don't think I ever saw her have a bad day. She was a very happy person, always so kind to others, positive and upbeat; it was so refreshing to be around her.
  • Gardening was another thing she was great at. Both her and Grandpa Dean. They had an amazing garden, and I used to go back and help when I was younger. She was always always making a fresh, healthy salad from all her garden veggies. Very healthy eater. I am pretty sure I have her to thank for my love for a big huge salad piled high with veggies.
  • Loved visitors. We could tell every time we went to visit, her face lit up showing how thrilled she was to see us.
  • I had some funny moments with her too. When I was around 11ish, my dad had taken me to their house and I had been having a tooth ache. Grandma went straight to the cupboard and fridge, and before I knew it, she was pouring heaps of cayenne pepper and carrot juice into my mouth, saying, "here, this will help!" Wow, it helped... the heat of cayenne pepper and nasty combination with carrot juice completely took my mind off my tooth pain. I immediately threw it all up. to this day, I can't stand carrot juice. I have a good laugh now every time I think of it.
Here's her obituary:

March 7, 1935 ~ Sept. 15, 2013
Margaret June Wood Jessee, our beloved wife, mother, grandmother, friend, passed away peacefully September 15, 2013 at the IMC Hospital in Murray, Utah, surrounded by her family after suffering the gradual decline of Alzheimer's climaxed by a brief bout with pneumonia. She was born at Grand Junction, Colorado on March 7, 1935, the oldest of seven children born to Oral Edwin Wood and Winona Darlene Daley Wood. She attended schools in Englewood, Colorado, Spanish Fork, Mapleton, and Springville, Utah, and also Ft. St. James, British Columbia, Canada where her family lived for several years. Shortly after graduating from Springville High School, she was sealed to Dean C. Jessee in the Salt Lake Temple. Together they have been blessed with nine children. 
June enjoyed her callings in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, having served in several ward and stake music positions, Sunday school teacher, and as Relief Society president. But her paramount contribution to humanity is reflected in the lives of her family. She taught them by precept and example the values of love and service. All who knew her loved her. June entered and left this world with a song in her heart. She loved music and willingly shared her talent as a singer in a wide range of church and civic settings. She sang with the Jay Welch Chorale during the entire twenty years of its existence and continued to sing with other choral groups afterward including the Utah Choral Artists under Brady Allred. 
She loved people especially little children and found friends wherever she went. She enjoyed her association with her husband's colleagues in the Joseph Smith Papers project and the Mormon History Association.
She was preceded in death by her baby son, Douglas; a great-granddaughter, Mikayla; her parents; a baby sister, Lois Marlene; and a brother, Kelly.
She is survived by her husband, Dean; her children, Lyle (Tina), David (Rose), Jeanine Ballard (Ron), Ron (Barbara), Teresa Cruz (Rob), Gordon (Sharon), Merrill (Sherrie) and Jonathan (Tamra); her siblings, Blaine (Carolyn), Nina Payne (Richard), Dennis (Karma), and Brent (Joanne); 38 grandchildren; and 37 great-grandchildren-all of whom June loved dearly.
A viewing will be held at the Jenkins-Soffe Mortuary, 4760 South State, Murray, on Wed. Sept. 18th from 6 to 8 p.m. Funeral Services will be Thurs., Sept. 19th at 11 a.m. with a viewing from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. prior to the service at Twin Peaks Ward, 5235 South Wesley Road, Murray. Interment: Elysian Burial Gardens.
The family expresses sincere gratitude to the doctors and staff at the IMC hospital in Murray for their loving care and also to the staff at the Jenkins-Soffe Mortuary. 
In lieu of flowers please donate in her name to the LDS Church missionary fund. Online condolences may be shared at www.jenkins-soffe.com

SO much to love about Grandma June. I love her so dearly and am anxious to join the family reunion up there in at least 40 more years :)

Love dearly,

Mama
Thursday, August 15, 2013

Day of Forgiveness 2013


Dearest Mikkie,

We once again observed the Day of Forgiveness in your honor. I love this tradition and love how it helps make such a painful day a more bearable one, to focus on something positive and carrying it out with so many loved ones.

I tell you, daddy and I are astounded by the amounts of love and support from so many, near and far, in person and in spirit. I'm continually inspired to see just how much people really care. It truly means so much to us when others get involved no matter how big or small it may seem. An email, a note, a text, a phone call, pictures, acts of kindness, gifts and service, and helping the memory of our sweet angel live on.

"Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten". I was reminded of this quote and it has stuck, it's exactly how I feel. You will never get left behind OR forgotten, especially by me. Never. I think it's extremely important to get together every year with loved ones and keep your memories fresh in our minds and honor the legacy you've left behind. I don't know if many people do that or not; some people prefer to be alone, some don't talk about the deceased at all, but personally one of the most important things to me is keeping your memory alive and making a difference, turning something tragic into something inspiring and uplifting. If any angel can touch others hearts so tenderly and inspire them, you are most certainly one of them! I want to help you in any way I can with that. You have touched my heart the greatest.

Here's some inspiring pictures I've been sent of others being involved in honoring your memory! You are so very loved by so many.


















And here's a glimpse into our special memorial for you that night:
 























Love you so very much,

Mama

3 Year Angelversary

Sweet Angel of mine,

Three years, can you believe it? Like I've told people already, it doesn't get any easier.

Towards the end of July, things get a little harder and the anxiety and emotions build up in me. It's not that I don't feel peace and comfort, I do, my emotions happen anyways and the tears flow freely without warning.

I try to keep myself busy, my mind occupied. I've noticed though on your Angelversary, I need to take it slow and not have so much to do. That's what half the day was like, but as I was rushing to get things ready and get dinner before the Memorial at your resting place, I felt anxious and irritated. Irritated with myself that I didn't start earlier so I could take my time and relax. As soon as I got to the cemetery though I allowed myself to breathe for a few minutes before people showed up. Taking time to just 'be still' is important. Clearing your mind of any negativity, rear your focus back to the present and what's important.

Daddy stayed home for the first half of the day, which was nice. Faith came up to me with a sad face and asked to watch Mikkie's movies. :) First we watched the slideshow with your song, having a most tender moment as Faith and I hugged each other and shed many tears. She loves watching your home videos, so many precious and fun memories.

It was crazy how the tears just kept coming that whole morning and the night prior. By mid afternoon I was so emotionally exhausted. I thought for sure I was out of tears, then someone would call and send a message and drop by to give us something, and the tears flooded back up.

I wasn't sure what to feel or expect about the whole day and the memorial at the cemetery. But after I had gotten there and took a few minutes to compose myself, I realized that it's not a bad thing to smile and be happy. I don't have to be crying every minute of the day and at every sweet, tender thing I hear or see.... if it brings tears to my eyes, then I let myself cry freely; if tears don't come but I feel this immense gratitude and joy, then I let myself soak it in and let myself be happy. You want us to be happy.

I felt like the whole night was just sweet and tender, full of tears, memories, laughs, smiles, heart-warming thoughts and incredible supportive family and friends (with us in person and spirit).
There was no doubt that you were there with us, sweet girl. Listening to people talk about their memories and things they've learned from you greatly touched me. Their tears brought tears of my own. It warms my heart to see people remembering you and that they have such fond memories of you. You are indeed a very special girl. It was especially sweet to see the little ones playing around and the babies gathering around your headstone, and hearing some of their memories of you... that's so precious to me to see your cousins remember you. It was great weather, and the sun was just shining a brilliant red-orange color, it was amazing. I wish my camera could've captured its full brilliance. Bright and vibrant, just like my little Mikkie :) That's what you were and are in my life, and always will be.


As I drove home after, I felt an inexplicable feeling of a sweet presence near, and a huge feeling of peace and happiness washed over me. My heart was full of gratitude. Oh Mikkie, I couldn't see you but I sure felt you, and I loved the conversation I had with you. :)

I love you always and forever,

Mama