"Angelversary"

Dearest Mikayla,

I was talking to my friend, Derin last week and when I heard her say Angelversary instead of anniversary, I immediately knew what I wanted to call that day. It's hard to know what to call the day that you tragically lose someone who means the world to you; it's not a celebration (at least not for us), so Angelversary-the day you became an angel, seems so fitting.

That day, your Angelversary, is tomorrow, I can sense it coming, is that strange?

This past week has been... Tough, to say the least. And now we're coming upon the 14th; I just hope my body can emotionally handle it. My emotions are pretty much shot.
Last week was supposed to be your little brother's surgery on his awesome double thumb. We were surprised to find out it was just an evaluation that day, so the actual surgery isn't til the end of the month. But I still had to go inside of Primary Children's hospital, which I haven't been to since that dreadful day two years ago. Your gramma came with me and thank goodness! She helped to keep breathing. We were almost to the hospital when what should come zipping loudly past us but an ambulance. Flashes of memories came flooding in and so did the tears. My mom helped to not completely lose it, God bless her, really. We made it inside the hospital and after a bit I started to feel like those memories (nightmares) from that day were being clouded from my memory. That's the best I can describe it. It was a blessing, I knew that God was blessing me with strength and that you were there to help bear me up along with my mom. What a bitter yet sweet experience. Now we have to go back again in a few weeks but this time I'm going with an extra purpose in mind.

I find solace and peace by spending time at your grave... I don't like that word, wish there were a better name to call it... You place of rest? Sometimes if I haven't been for a while, I actually yearn to visit you there. When I'm there, I talk to you and feel like you are there listening and comforting. Sometimes I receive answers to things or get inspiration. Last week was one of those times; I yearned to be there and it was a sweet experience, even if I was bawling my eyes out.

I love you so very much, I just can't say it enough. I pray I can feel you wih me as I enter another week of hard things.

Love me always,

Mama