Imperative duty

Dear Mikkie,

It's been far too long.

Our neighbor's dad just died recently and daddy and I completely felt their pain. When I saw the look in his freshly grief-stricken face, my mind reeled back to the awful day we got the same gut-wrenching news... they didn't make it. We truly could mourn with them, daddy and I cried that morning. No one can ever fully understand unless they themselves experience the same thing. It was interesting though, when I went over to say something all I could say was "I'm so sorry". You would think I'd have a little more knowledge of what to say, but I was at a loss for words. All I really wanted to do was cry, to know that someone else is experiencing the same pain we are just made me feel truly sympathetic. I may not have known exactly what to say, but I did know, however, what not to say. I'm keeping a list of things people say that make me cringe, and make sure to never repeat them to others who grieve. I know they mean well, they just don't know what to say! More often than not, a hug and a listening ear is all a person needs.

You'd be proud of me, it's been almost a whole month since I've last been depressed. I tell you, there is nothing as powerful as a priesthood blessing. Don't confuse that with not being sad though. There have been plenty of times where I still bawl myself to sleep, but it has not led to utter despair and self-hatred. I think it's safe to say I am crying more times than not, but it's evidence of just how much I love you. How can I not cry when part of me and my heart are missing. Daddy agrees that I'm struggling most. I told him there's nothing quite like a mother's love. I wonder if you truly know how deeply my love for you runs? Then I wonder if I know how much you love me. I'm still trying to imagine.

I went through my journal the other day, instead of writing in it, I went back to the beginning of last year and read through to most recently. It's an interesting experience to reread things you've written. I realize I need to do less complaining and express more gratitude. I had to laugh at the entries when I complained about life being tough...I thought to myself "oh stupid me, little did you know a few months later you'd be begging for these so called 'unbearable days' compared to what was coming up." I laugh in disbelief because I had no clue. No clue whatsoever. I do feel in some other entries that I've been inspired, and I felt touched all over as I read it again. There was one entry that stood out most to me at this time that said:

"Tim taught the lesson today in Priesthood and he shared a bit from it with me last night. It struck me. It was by President Uchtdorf. He said that it is our duty, when we’re strong, to care for the feeble; when we’re happy, to take care of those who sorrow; when we’re financially stable, to take care of those who are struggling. It is our imperative duty to do so. If we don’t we exempt ourselves from our salvation."

Wow. It struck me even harder than when I heard it the first time. We must take better care of each other. Am I doing all I can to mourn with those who mourn, rejoice with those who rejoice, tend to the sick, help those who struggle, bear up other's burdens when they are weak? I'm afraid to answer I have not been doing all I can do. That last part of the quote just screams to me the seriousness of the matter, 'It is our imperative duty to do so. If we don’t we exempt ourselves from our salvation'. You can bet I'm going to be pushing myself harder to do a little better.

I love you with all my heart, and then some.

Love,

Mama