Saturday, January 1, 2011


Dearest Mikkie,

I can't bring myself to even smile right now, the pain is too overwhelming. I've been saying how glad I am to say goodbye to 2010 and bring on a new year....but the more I think about it, and as awful and heart-wrenching as it was, I want the year back. This will be the first full year without you and it's unbearable to think about. I feel so angry, confused, hurt. The holidays have been down-right depressing. Last weekend I just couldn't hold it together and pretty much hit rock bottom. There were only a few people I could count on to be there for me. The same ones that are always there.
It was that night when we were talking and we came to a realization how involved in our own lives we all are! We make ourselves so busy and are so caught up in our day-to-day living that we are completely blind to what's happening around us. I could be sitting here having the best day of my life, or just going about my day when someone I know(or someone I don't even know but could possibly help) and love is sick, depressed, thinking suicide, starving for comfort, starving for anything, losing a job or house or loved one or their sanity, or just plan having a rotten day and needs a listening ear. I realize that this world has got to do better! We have got to be taking better care of each other, not just watching out for our own skin. I mainly mean me. How do we expect our Savior to come when we are in a state like this. Realizing this could make me feel even more depressed, but instead I'm going to make sure I forget myself and serve others. I need to and want to be more in tune with who is in need of help or who is in need of a friend. I can't believe I've been so dense to not see this a little sooner.
Someone you know Mikkie, is having a very hard time and has not been to church for a while. The thing that baffles us is how not one soul has bothered to check in on them to see why they have not been coming or to say they missed them. Don't you think there is something incredibly wrong with that picture?
So many have lost loved ones recently, the holidays approached; you'd think people would know how rough it would be on them, and call or write saying something as simple as 'we're thinking of you'. I know for myself, I can count on 2 hands the amount of people I heard from. Yet I, myself didn't check-in with people I know are most likely suffering.
A friend of mine is sick with cancer and could possibly go anytime. People have the nerve to say and do unkind things to her. WHY is this, Mikkie, tell me WHY! No one cares, it seems.

I think I know an answer only because I recognize what's been going on in myself, I am among those who seem not to care; We DO care but don't show it. Why? it's because like I said before, we are so busy we're oblivious to anything going on outside our own little family, we're comfortable living in ignorance (what we don't know can't hurt us, right? wrong.), we're ok with mediocre, we simply don't make the time to check in on others, and we figure maybe they're just sick or maybe they just need to be alone and the biggest mistake of all, we assume.

Someone is missing from church or school or work one day, the normal thing to do is assume they are sick, or maybe out of town. I do this and think it all the time for everyone, and think nothing of it. Until last week when I missed church, one day after Christmas and hear from but two people. I was not sick and I realized maybe other's experience similar circumstances when they are not in attendance. Maybe instead of being sick or the other normal list of things we would think to assume, maybe they are in trouble, stuck somewhere, can't get their car to start and no one's around to help, or are home crying their eyes out because they desperately miss someone they love. I cannot afford to "assume" anymore. God wants us to serve one another, but He can't help if we don't make time and make ourselves available.

I'm sorry if I sounded a little harsh Mikkie, I just feel very passionate about this realization I've come to...and I feel very strongly that this is one of the answers to life. It makes sense when you think of the life Christ lived and the example He made; He was always helping others, attending to the sick and needy, healing, blessing and comforting. We need to take this more seriously and follow His example and what He said "Do thou likewise" and show more compassion for others. There's so many times and people I wish I would've taken the advantage to check-in with, including you Mikkie. Maybe not every time we don't check-in with someone, something as traumatic as your experience happens, but we certainly do miss a chance to "save" someone...whether that be physical, mental or spiritual.

Oh how I miss you, Mikkie! How I wish I had the power to turn back time and have you back.
Although this new year is bound to have hard times as we continue on experiencing "first's without you", I hope it will bring more happy times.

I love you more and more every day.

Love me,



Jenny said...

Sometimes I sit back and feel like no one cares about me or what I'm feeling or thinking and then I take a good step back to see things as they really are...that I'm not caring or feeling or thinking about others, only myself. I love this post and am grateful for the reminder of how absolutely vital it is to have compassion for others. I hope this New Year holds much more happiness and Joy for you Laura :)

Traci said...

sweet, sweet, sweet Laura. I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm so sorry that the holidays have been tough for you. I had thought so much about you over the last... well, really 5 months, but a lot over the holidays. I'm glad I got to spend Thanksgiving with you, Tim, and Faith. It was so hard to leave Utah in August, wanting to spend more time with you and help you. I wish I could be there more. I love your post. I can absolutely see how easy it is to get caught up in our own lives and not "see" others who are needing to be seen. I think we've all felt that way... that we want someone to notice our hearts aching, and know why we're crying, so they can cry with us. I will try harder to be that person. Thank you, Laura.