Something else has been on my mind, shocker huh! Well After being around many people and taking more notice, I have to tell you. It's not right that I should feel nervous or awkward when bringing you up or saying your name. Everyone likes to talk about their children. Just because you died doesn't mean that I don't still love to talk about you, it makes me happy. I think often people don't say anything just to spare my feelings, but what they don't know is that that makes me feel worse.
"Family means nobody gets left behind OR forgotten." That's become one of my favorite quotes since you died. It's from a cartoon, Lilo & Stitch. Who knew cartoons could be so enlightening. By people not talking about you or afraid to even mention your name, it makes me feel less like you even exist and more like everyone has forgotten you. It really hurts. I know it's normal and natural for others to go on like we can't, but just knowing that people remember you and to hear your name gives me warm fuzzies inside. I want to be able to mention you without the awkward silences and glances. I want others to feel comfortable talking about you too. Maybe some people are afraid I'll cry and feel uncomfortable with my sorrow, so they leave it be. Sure, I may get tears in my eyes every now and then, but I'm not going to bawl in front of just anyone... my grief is special to me in a way, something that no one understands and is very fragile. I think the only thing I would have a problem with talking about is the day you died and the details. It's like pouring lemon juice over a cut and feeling the intense pain and guilt all over again. It's understandable for people to feel uncomfortable talking about that part. What I want to talk about is you when you were alive! You left us with so many good memories and lessons to learn. You made me laugh and smile so much, and continue to do so as I recall those cherished moments.
I'm not going to let people forget! Whether they are uncomfortable or not, I will and am going to talk about you and say your name as if you were still here. Because you still are here, we just can't see you and I want you to see how proud I am still to this day to talk about my sweet baby girl, and how much joy and honor it brings me to be your mother. I'm incredibly blessed.
I love you and always remembering you!
Love me,
Mama
2 comments:
I LOVE it when you talk to me about Mikkie. It's the only way I get to know her. I will be better about talking with you about her. Love you and praying for you.
I hope you can feel comfortable talking to me about it! I don't mind what so ever! I know for me talking about anything that is on my mind and having a good listener always makes me feel better! I will always listen Laura! Feel free to even call me when you need a good listening ear! Talking about her children can always bring a smile to the mothers face!
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