Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Third Birthday

My sweet Mikayla,

I don't know why I've taken so long to write about this. Almost as hard as planning your birthday. I've never had such trouble planning a party before but this time it was like one mental block after another, the only thing I could think of was the theme being Stars, going along with "I am like a Star shining brightly". I was getting very discouraged because I wanted to make it a great party, where everyone would enjoy themselves while focusing on you, it just seemed overwhelming. I've never been able to live it down how I didn't throw you a big birthday on your first and only birthday here. I thought I would have another chance to do it the next year. I never should've waited.
So I kept thinking and thinking, and finally after talking with a few people they mentioned maybe you were trying to tell me something, to just keep it simple. How could I do that? I owe you a big party, but that's not what is important to you. I felt like that was the answer, so I just had family over for cake and ice cream where I had all your cousins help blow out your candles. It was sweet. I then shared what I believe your birthday wish would be:
There's a time for everything, a time to mourn which was more for August 14; and there's a time to celebrate which is what your birthday is about, celebrating your life and the time we had with you. I believe you wanted us to laugh and be happy. You were one of the most giggly, smiley, happy people I knew and if you were here you would have most definitely been laughing with that cute lil raspy voice of yours :).

We had your movie playing on the tv (compilation of all home videos, edited, with you in it) which was my favorite thing, I love watching that and am SO grateful we took all those videos of you! And the kids... and actually most adults were entertained with all the balloons floating around.

it was a simple, yet beautiful party. I believe you were there and could see you having the time of your life with all the balloons. Of course I cried throughout the day, it's only natural to miss your sweet presence on your special day, but even then I still felt peace and comfort the whole day. It was just a really nice day. I'm grateful for those who came to help celebrate you, you have so many people who love you!

Earlier that day, daddy. faith and I and some of my family visited your grave with beautiful flowers and 3 balloons that Faith picked out :) 3 because that's how old you would've been. I love my visits to your grave, and hope it is and continues to be a good memory for Faith. We talked about you together, which helps, I think she's still not sure how to express herself sometimes especially regarding you and what happened. Little things come out here and there and I take the opportunity to explain or just talk about things with her. She's an angel just as you are. Did I tell you that she made sure to tell me at least 5 times how much you love your cake? I made a purple glittery star cake and as I was frosting it she kept saying, "Oh, Mikkie really loves her cake, mom!" It made me feel good. I hope you enjoyed the whole day as I did.

Thank you for coming into our family and for filling our lives with so much joy, we had some great times! Thanks for continuing to be my angel, I love you so much!