Sweet Mikkie,
It's crazy how much stress and emotional trauma a person can endure and still live to tell the tale. Stress has been bubbling up for a while and seems to have boiled over. So much stress that it's caused several physical ailments. Stress, it's a killer.
It seems like any problem that arises is amplified by my grief; I always have this painful hole in my heart from losing you so when more drama comes up, life tends to be a bit overwhelming and I keep wondering how much can a person take before they just kill over? I don't want to find out.
I seriously need to find some healthy ways to relieve stress, it's not healthy to keep feeling like this. I don't want to keep feeling like this. My goal right now is to build myself up. If I don't, I can't be there for my kids like I want to.
I tell you what, you and your siblings are my greatest treasures and give life more meaning than I could have ever imagined. You are my source of sanity. The gospel too. What comfort it gives me.
Speaking of comfort, you know the places where I feel greatest peace at? The Temple and your place of rest. Both are so sacred to me. When I need some time to think or a break, I find myself yearning to be by your side at the cemetery. Very special and beautiful moments.
I love you so much Mikkie. I sure wish I knew how life was all going to pan out, I wish everything that mattered was certain; nothing is certain really, but this I am certain about- I am a child of God, He loves me, I love Him with all my heart, I love the Gospel and the peace it brings me even amidst trial, heartache and sorrow, I love my family, and I know that families CAN be together forever. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can persuade me differently.
Love me always, my sweet girl,
Mama
1 comments:
Laura, you are one of the strongest people I know! I'm sorry stress is tearing down your system -- stress does CRAZY things to our immune system unfortunately : / I deal w/stress in negative ways as well and I keep meaning to look into a course on handling stress (BYU actually offered one and I kept meaning to take it but never did). I think how you ended it was perfect ... because the things you ARE certain about are all that will matter in the end and the only things that help us dig through the trenches you're in now. You're in my thoughts and prayers everyday!
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