Saturday, December 25, 2010


My sweet Mikkie,

Christmas just isn't quite the same this year. I've tried to stay strong through it all, but when we went to visit your grave, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. It is a sobering thing to visit the grave of your baby girl on Christmas. As I looked around at the other graves, you are surrounded by red poinsettias, then there's you standing out with your bouquet of bright flowers. You always did stand out above the crowd, you were and always will be my little piece of sunshine, brightening up life with your beaming smile. I can barely get through typing this without getting teary, just thinking of that smile makes my heart ache. My emotions have been fluctuating these past 2 days from feeling peace and joy to heart ache and loneliness.

I can't even imagine what your Christmas is like, being face to face with Christ our Savior. Once again, I believe we are the ones that are missing out.

All I want this Christmas is to feel you with me, as if you were in fact by my side. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I don't think I've felt you like your daddy has. It frustrates me as well as breaks my heart. I know you're there, somewhere.
I don't mean to sound negative when I say I'm eager for this year to be over. At the same time, I'm clinging onto it because it's the last year I got to spend with you, and as the years disappear, I'm afraid my memories will too. Life is already starting to feel somewhat "normal" and that's not ok with me. "Family never gets left behind or forgotten". I will not let you be forgotten, Mikkie, I cannot and I will not.

I've had quite a few people write me recently with sweet words of comfort and love. It's amazing to me how people, whether I know them or not, take the time to write such sweet, sensitive words. Every single one of the emails were exactly what I needed to hear to bring some comfort. I am extremely grateful to those people for letting their hearts be touched to want to write to me.
The following poem has been shared with me by several people. I've never read it before, and it really touched me.

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below.
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars
Reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away that tear,
for I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear.
But the sounds of music can’t compare
With the Christmas choir up here.
For I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description
to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
For I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this time.
I can’t tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas,
With our Savior, face to face?
I’ll ask Him to light your spirit
As I tell Him of your love.
So then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.
So please let your hearts be joyful
And let your Spirit sing,
For I’m spending Christmas in heaven
And I’m walking with the King!
--Author Unknown

Merry Christmas my Angel girl. You are greatly missed by so many. I love you more than anything.

Love me,



Traci said...

Merry Christmas, sweet Mikkie. Lucy thought of you last night (Christmas). It's the first time she has had a difficult time getting to sleep since the accident. She's very sad that she can't see you. I sat with her for an hour, helping her get some rest and just being thankful for her being here. I looked around her room and cried as I thought about how difficult it would be to see her stuff, our memories, without her here with us. Your mom and dad are so brave. They didn't choose this, but they are choosing how to move forward. I can't believe the amazing strength they have, even if your mom can't always see it in herself. I love your mom and dad so much, and I ache for you to be with them again. It will happen, but they have a lot to do I think before they can return to you and Heavenly Father. They have more lives to touch and more hearts to help, as they've already started doing. Lots of love to you this Christmas, sweet Mikkie. Love Aunt Traci