Endure

Dear Mikkie,

I don't really know how to start this letter. It's been a few weeks, tough ones at that. My emotions have been all over the place from one extreme to the other that I think I've come to a point where I'm emotionally numb. I hardly feel anything. Problem after problem, I feel like my nervous system is shutting down. Or maybe I'm just refusing to let myself feel anything.

This past week I went down to Arizona with Gramma and Tammy to help my Uncle in the hospital. My mom and I sat in on one of his physical therapy treatments and I learned a lot just from that short amount of time. When the doctor told him it's going to take quite a bit of work and it may be a while until he's released, his reply touched me. He said "I'm going to do my part. You know that I'll do whatever it takes, right?" To which the doctor said, "That's what will make this work is your positive attitude." Then watching him struggle to make a simple movement reaching one arm across the other side and moving his toes, I could see the determination in his face; a motivation that seemed foreign to me. When the doctor asked about his condition, he explained when he had his accident many years ago, the doctors told him he'd never be able to walk or talk again. He proudly exclaimed, "I proved them wrong." With a conviction that led me to believe he would be back to "normal" again or maybe even better and stronger in no time at all. In all the years I've known him and spent time with him, I've never seen him complain or be negative. Quite the opposite, he's always been a jokester and a tease, always making people laugh. Even with all that he's been dealt, he keeps his head up high. Even now as he struggles in the hospital, he sincerely thanks everyone for what they are doing for him and cracks jokes bringing smiles to everyone's faces, and I believe making them all better people just from meeting him. He is one great example of enduring. He is my hero, right next to my dad and mom.

I sit back and think of all that I've been through and still go through and realize I am not enduring. Yes, a lot of crappy and miserable things have happened and still are that just make me want to give up, and I've come so close many times, but then I think of you, my sweet baby girl, and suddenly I can't think of any other option but to move forward. I need to do my part, show God that I'm willing to endure and He will do His part to help strengthen me and lighten my load leaving me feel as if it's been removed.

D&C 14:7 "And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."

It's my prayer that I will endure through it all, having a better attitude with more gratitude and less complaining.

I love you Mikkie.

Love,

Mama