Sunday, June 26, 2011


My sweet, sweet Mikkie,

Life.... what to even say about it. Let me start off with a quote that I was just reminded of, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have". How true that is! I often wonder how I can even bear to go on with life, even the simple tasks of getting out bed and getting ready. How do I do it? I'll tell you one of my biggest motivators is Faith... yes my faith and my Faith. :) She is a constant reminder of you and I just take one look at that sweet, precious girl and I know I have no choice but to be strong. Obviously being blessed with comfort from the spirit makes it a little more bearable, thank goodness for that.

What I really wanted to talk about is the news that has made me happier than I've been in a while. Knowing that this baby is coming straight from being with you just gives me the chills, I'm so excited to meet this baby! I must say I was paranoid and stressed at the beginning when I thought it was another miscarriage. I just had to put my mind at ease, so I went to a few dr. visits and come to find there was indeed a baby in there and it had a heartbeat. That put me a little more at rest, but then I knew I hadn't even passed the 3 month mark like I didn't last time. So there was more worrying, crying, stress and then the first appointment, heartbeat again. It was a big relief. The timing of everything with this pregnancy seems no coincidence. Had my first appointment on my birthday, June 14th, will find out the gender sometime close around August 14th(so not looking forward to or ready for this day), and I'm due around Christmas. The more I think about it, there has to be a reason I got pregnant when I did, it just seems too planned. Which will give me something happy to look forward to on each of these hard days. I see this as a blessing. What a more perfect time to have a baby than Christmastime. I have a feeling this will be a Christmas to remember.

When we tell Faith about the baby in my belly, she says "it's Mikkie!" Wow, if only that was the way to bring you back, that or flying back in a helicopter like she still thinks. Oh poor girl. I tell her as gently as I can that this baby is not you, it is another brother or sister and that they're up there with you. I wonder how much she understands of what's going on.

I was watching a video of you and Faith comes up and says "That's Mikkie! She's my best friend." Will this girl never cease to melt my heart? If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make sure she does not forget her best friend, Mikkie. :) None of your other siblings will know you like she does, but you can bet I will help them get to know you.

I love you Mikkie. I pray you will be with us as we approach these tough weeks ahead. Or somehow get my wish granted of a Fast Forward button. Or just please let me know you're here, somehow.

Love me always,



Clay and Jessica Brown said...

Oh, Lafa! I am so excited for you. I pray that things go well for you this time around. I know the pain of miscarrying and that alone breaks my heart in two. Be strong and look forward to that heartbeat every time (even though I only have 7 weeks left and he moves alot, hearing his heartbeat at the dr always reassures me that things are okay still).

I know that Mikkie loves you! Faith is very in tune with her and also with the spirit. She will understand things more when you actually have the baby I think.

Also, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and at times we cannot figure out the timing...but in the end there is a reason and we may not even know why until years later. I know that to be true!

Love ya Lafa! Jess :D

Liz said...

Congratulations! When I got pg with my latest child after our little girl passed, it was very stressful and challenging. I also felt like my angel gave us this baby, as we found out on what would have been her 6 month b-day. This child of mine is so incredibly loving and I feel like she spend time with Mackenzie learning about us before she even came. I hope things continue to go well with your pregnancy!

James and Crystal said...

We are so excited for you! We hope and pray this pregnancy will go well for you.

lauracritchfield said...

You don't know me but I came across your blog and I just wanted to say Thank You. You are amazing to be able to carry on. I need to remember to cherish what I have right now because you are right - tomorrow it may be gone.

Marcia Dias said...

Todo o meu carinho!

Kristin Graziano said...

I was there that day. At Bear Lake. I saw you. I saw them put her in ambulance and you outside. I knew you were the mother. I could tell from your pleas to Heavenly Father. My heart ached for you. I wanted to hug you.. but who was I? A stranger.. a mother... who cried right a long with you. I watched and prayed desperately for you and that sweet baby. My 4 children sat on the lawn across the way and then we felt awkward watching...although we were hurting for you... so we moved down below and sat on the back of our boat and watched and silently prayed for a miracle on your behalf. We watched as the ambulance drove down the hill and you and your husband and relative followed (in a Prius..if I remember). We went down the Marina a little while later and life flight had just arrived. I knew then. I knew she was going on to her Heavenly Father. We didn't boat but for an hour. We hurt for you. Our prayers changed from plea to faith. Faith for you and your family. I didn't know you and I didn't know your background or religious beliefs, but I prayed for peace. Peace in knowing that you were privilged. Privileged to raise a such a precious, celestial being. I am so sorry for your heartache. I will never forget that day. My prayers continue on your behalf... from mother to mother.

lAuRa said...

Sometimes I don't respond because I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude and the only thing I can think of to say is thank you. Thank you for everone's love, support and compassion. I truly appreciate it.