Sunday, June 5, 2011

Your sister

Dear, precious Mikayla,

Now that I talked about remembering, I'm going to write down these thoughts before they vanish. See, I'm learning already! :)

If I haven't said it enough, your big sister just loves you so much. I hope you know that. She brings you up and talks about you to pretty much anyone. It is so sweet and heart wrenching to hear her talk about you with such adoration. I have often wondered if she sees you at all or feels you so close she knows you're not really gone. I hear stories about some kids being able to see their dead loved ones and wondering why everyone else is so sad because to them they are still there. I have tried asking her before, but I don't really get a clear answer and I don't know if she's telling the truth or telling a tale.
The other day we were coming back home from Grandma's and Faith said "Mommy, let's go to Mikkie's grave, ok." She's never asked to go there before, it's usually me telling her we're going. I wasn't planning on stopping by that night but how could I not after that? Remember when I would put you to bed and blow you kissies right before I left your room? That has become our "little thing" and we do it, all 3 of us, every time we leave your grave. Faith is more than happy to blow you kissies and seems to be ok more with visiting your grave.

Something else I wanted to tell you; Faith graduated from Preschool last week! She got a balloon and when we got home she immediately told me, "I wanna give Mikkie my balloon!" while running outside. I knew exactly what she was thinking. She let it float up in the sky. What a sweet gesture, she remembers us doing that for your birthday. Before she would've been sad to lose her balloon, not anymore.

Faith can seem to always sense when I'm thinking about you, maybe it shows in my face more than I realize. She says either, "You miss Mikkie, mommy?" or "I miss Mikkie" after sensing my sadness. I can't tell you what a blessing she is to me and how much comfort and happiness she has brought me through all of this. I'm so grateful she got to know you as much as she did and that you two got to spend basically 24/7 together. There's many memories packed into that short amount of time and Faith remembers a lot of it. I love to hear her talk about you, or anyone for that matter! When people talk about you (obviously not the day you died, but when you were alive) I feel slightly as if you're still here, still existing. If anyone's more in tune about that, it would be Faith, she's not afraid to talk about you and that makes me happy. I see more and more that you can learn so much from a child, they're so innocent, pure and honest, for the most part ;)

Sweet Faithy is like a glue that keeps holding me together, keeps me sane. She is a blessing to both daddy and I. As are you Mikkie, you have been and always will be a blessing to us. I love both of my little girls more than I could ever even describe it.

Love me always,



Liz said...

My daughter was also the one that held me together. I completely credit her for that. It is amazing how they can sense they you might need an extra hug. Take care!