Sunday, August 7, 2011

A testimony

My dear Mikayla,

I didn't get to bear my testimony in church today, partly because I was feeling light headed and did not want to trip in my high heels, and partly because I'm pretty emotionally unstable. They might've thought I was quite the nut case. :)

My heart is very heavy. Full of pain and full of gratitude at the same time. I wonder how am I going to get through this next week? I was awakened with a realization that the answer is right in front of me and has been happening. I will make it through this next week and your one year mark because of family and friends (even complete strangers have played a role in giving me great comfort-but hey, they're family too, right, we're all one big family:) . I may sound like a broken record when I say this, but I am so very grateful for their love and support! As I have been getting emails, texts, messages, phone calls, packages, visits, etc.. from people lately I've been touched over and over again. I believe compassion to be a gift, a great gift at that, probably the greatest gift one can be blessed with. There are those who it comes naturally to and others who learn it as they go from other great examples, and some just don't ever learn it at all.
All I can say is I've never seen so much compassion and such love and concern poured out than through this past year. People are more aware than I think and it shows through their loving words and actions. I was alone at church because daddy didn't feel well, and this whole week all I could think of was that blasted place you left us at. It was overwhelming. Someone next to me whispered asking when the 1 year mark is, knowing it was coming up soon. Tears immediately filled my eyes. She asked how we were doing. More tears came. I think that answered her question. Someone else remembered. I was so grateful for that simple yet powerful example that we can have a HUGE impact and effect on others when we show some compassion and show that we genuinely care. I felt like she really wanted to know how I was doing and it made all the difference to me.
Besides that, the first and foremost reason of our getting through these tough times is our Savior Jesus Christ. I think many times, people just have no clue! No clue at all, unless they themselves experience it. It's incredibly comforting to me to know that there is and always will be Someone who knows exactly what I'm going through and knows exactly how I feel; that I can call on Him for help at anytime or just to vent my frustrations, aching, concerns, etc. To know that He is listening, and He does hear and answer our pleas. I've seen it made manifest by all those who have helped comfort me recently (and all along the way), I know each one has been inspired/prompted and I know God blesses them for doing so.
I know that God is aware of us, He loves each one of us, He loves me, Laura Harper, faults and all.

My Mikkie, I think of you so much, you never really leave my mind. I think this week will be the hardest time, next to the time you died. But good things can happen even at the worst of times. I love you so very much. I just watched a video of you and hearing your precious little laugh sent tears to my eyes and a huge smile to my lips. I miss your sweet face!

Love me,

Mama

5 comments:

Clay and Jessica Brown said...

You can do hard things Lafa! I believe in you and I know that Mikkie does as well! You are an amazing woman full of many talents and your light still shines for the whole world to see despite the times when you feel it is dim or no one notices. You have that kind of light! Love ya and I'll be thinking of you!

Mee said...

This is such a tough week for me, Laura! I think of you and your family every waking moment (and those nighttime wakeless moments too). I keep in contact with my mom daily, and I think it's harder hearing about the Bear Lake reunion. It's really stirring up some tough emotions. I'm so thankful you have wonderful friends/family surrounding you who are sensitive to your needs at this difficult time. Love you all, including that sweet little Mikayla who I wish I too had spent more moments with. I loved Traci's post; it made me giggle about those fun moments last year!

Jessi Miller said...

Laura,

You have met me a few times, but don't really know me. I am a good friend of Jen and Dale's who told me about his blog. We were camping with family a year ago when we got the horrible news of the passing of your sweet daughter. I will never forget the moment, and I did not even know here. My heart was and still is broken for you and your family. I think of you guys often, in fact a lot lately because I know the anniversary is coming up. I just wanted to let you know you are in the thought and prayers of many, more than you will probably ever know. As much as I hate that anyone would ever have to go through what you have and are, I would like to say thanks. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this blog. It helps me to not take my own little ones for granted and to appreciate all of the little moments we get with them each day. You also help me to remember how important faith and a testimony really is. Anyway, I just want you to know that you and all of your family will be in my prayers!

With Much Love,
Jessi

lAuRa said...

You guys are sweet, thank you! Every word shared means a lot to me, thanks for taking the time to share it.

Brandon and Kim said...

I just saw your blog on facebook and this post was so touching. During this hard time know that you are in many peoples hearts and prayers at this time.