Awake

My dear Mikkie,

It's crazy how well I can be doing one day and thinking to myself 'ok, I can do this' to feeling like even the simplest task is unbearable the next day. Your daddy is very good to me, Mikkie. I've been very blessed by him and the power of the priesthood he holds. He has never, not once, given up on me. He has been there with me through my darkest hours. Besides my Savior, he truly is my best friend. He's there when I need him the most.

I got this handout back in Seminary days and have loved it ever since. Remembering this each morning reminds me of the decisions and actions I need to do... Richard G. Scott said in his recent talk from Conference, "strong character results from consistent correct choices." I want to be consistent in having good thoughts and making good decisions, so I live my life in such a way that when I wake up each morning satan will say "Oh no, she's awake!"

Another quote that I found that goes along with this, that I like also is, "It's not enough to just say you believe in God, Satan BELIEVES in God.. we need to believe in God in such a way that every day has us striving to LIVE for God."

There is a war going on around us. There is increased wickedness in the physical world, yes, but there is a spiritual war going on all around us. The forces are strong on both sides, but in the end God always wins, light overcomes darkness, good triumphs evil.

Mikkie, there is so much I'm learning right now, I've been so blind to so many things. I think I've been content with the knowledge I've had before and being the way I am....which isn't nearly enough. I can learn and do so much more! I feel I've been spiritually stagnant and I'm just sad it's taken something like this to wake me up. All this has woken me up to many things.

It's not just physically awake that the quote is talking about....to me it also means being spiritually awake. You can never let your guard down....I'm seeing more and more the minute you think things are going ok and let your guard down the tiniest bit, you get attacked.

I pray for the strength to always keep my guard up.

How's that for another totally unorganized, random thought? :) It's taken me a while to write to you because one it's been a busy week, two I had a very hard weekend and three I've felt I was unable to accurately articulate these thoughts and feelings running through me...but I finally figured something is better than nothing. If I wait too long I'll have so many thoughts I won't even know where to start and most likely won't write anything. I don't want to stop writing, it brings me comfort....you're not here to talk to, so this makes me feel like we're having a conversation, even though I can't hear you.

I keep finding myself calling other people by your name....today I called Kuzco, Mikkie. :) Your uncle called Faith, Mikkie Monster yesterday....Faithy monster just doesn't flow the same. I like to say and hear your name though....it's hard enough having you gone, it's even harder not hearing about you or at least your name. I miss telling people the latest cute and funny thing you've been doing, you always made me smile.

Alright, I'm done now. I love you more than you'll ever know sweet girl.

Love,

momma