Friday, August 27, 2010


Sweet little angel,

I haven't seen it in myself, or maybe I have just been in denial, but I've been depressed this past week. It's been incredibly hard and trying in every single aspect of life. I've been questioning and rethinking everything I've been taught and known for so many years.

I just saw a rainbow across the lake by the mountains. 4:40ish pm. Beautiful rainbow. I was at the desk reading, when I just turned my head suddenly and I noticed the rainbow. I didn't know if I was just seeing things like Tim was the other day, but as I got up closer to the door and opened it, I saw it, bright and beautiful. Just like you. It stayed for just a few minutes while I cried my eyes out, then it started vanishing into the clouds....vanishing like my doubts. I knew that I was meant to see that. I have been looking for rainbows ever since the funeral, but to no avail. Now, when I wasn't on the search, it appeared to me. Right when I needed it too. I can't say it's completely healed and cured me, but I feel better about moving forward with tomorrow, tonight even. I know that Heavenly Father is listening. I know you are here with me, my sweet angel girl. I've been questioning things I already know the answer to. It just takes moments like this to remind me and confirm that what I know is true. I don't need visions (as neat as it would be) or anything of sorts to tell me that what I believe is true. I know.

That rainbow is a symbol of hope to me. In some of my darkest, most sorrowful hours, God has given me a rainbow, and I thought of you. He has given me hope to move forward for another day.


Traci said...

Laura, I read your blog every night, and usually once or twice during the day as well. I think you are so very brave. And so incredibly wise and wonderful. You and Tim are amazing, and I love you both so much. I wish my tears would take away some of yours. I've thought a lot about little Mikkie today. What a beautiful sign to have the rainbow when you least expect it. I wonder if maybe Mikkie was urging you to look away from your book at that time, so you wouldn't miss it. Lots of hugs.

Doty Family said...

A tender mercy. I loved your post about that the other day. It made me think of the song by Micheal Mcclean, "Tender Mercies", It makes me think of the chorus,

"A tender mercy has come to me
It came from heaven I do believe
It seems whenever I choose to see
God's tender mercies pour down on me."

He is full of tender mercies. He is aware and mindful as is your little angel daughter. We'll keep praying for you.

Lyle said...

Laura, me and Mom saw the same rainbow. In fact it was a double bow. We are taught in the scriptures that signs come to those who believe. I, for one, believe that Heavenly Father loves His children, is keenly mindful of those who trust in Him and He sends signs such as rainbows, clouds, sunsets, sunrises, brilliance of stars, etc. as evidence of His love for us.

He reassures us in so many ways as we wend our way through this "vail [valley] of sorrow."

Jesus reminds us that "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." Signs are everywhere for those who believe.

Brittany & Garrett Best said...

It's amazing to see how God works and answers prayers!

Love You!!!

the harpers said...

As we were dancing in the park with Faith on Friday, we too saw a rainbow! How grateful for these sweet tender mercies!

Love you all!

Celticbabe said...

Hello. I am so sorry for what your family has been through. My heart broke while reading about what happened. It takes great strength to live through the loss of a child. My mom lost two of my brothers, 16 months apart. I have always wondered how she was able to go on. How she was able to be so "normal." I've wondered if I could be as strong and as faithful as she was. But at the same time I have desperatly prayed that I will never find out. I have four children now, ages 6,4,2,and 8 weeks old. I never want to find out. My brother-in-law and his wife lost their son last year. My sister-in-law told me something very interesting. Perhaps it will be of some comfort to you. She told me that while her heart aches so dearly for her son, she also has peace. She said that if she had to loose a child, she has been very blessed in losing a child before the age of accountability and baptism. He is with Heavenly Father, forever. She doesn't have to worry about S. like she has to worry about her other children. She knows that he will stand with God in the Celestial Kingdom. He chose to follow Jesus Christ and has passed his test and has and will recieve eternal glory. She knows that he is safe from Satan and his minions forever. She doesn't yet have that assurance for her other children. But she now has even more desire to live rightously so that she will one day have that assurance for all of her children. She works harder to be able to have the right to live in the Celestial Kingdom with S. She works harder to teach her children still here to live rightously, to know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and to follow them now and forever so that they will all be together forever. She has inspired me through her faith, her strength, her love for Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and her family. I am working harder to achieve that same thing. It's what every mother desires. Heavely Father has promised us this if we are willing to do our part, follow the Savior, and endure to the end, even when life is the bleakest it has ever been. Heavenly Father will never go back on His promises. We need only to keep our promises to Him. It may be hard to see right now, but the reward waiting for you is your family, all of you, surrounded by the arms of the Savior in eternal glory. I pray that your family will continue to feel Heavenly Father's love around you.

Anonymous said...

Have you heard the song "If I die Young"
Maybe it will do more hurt than help..i hope not. but there is a part that reminded me of this.
she says "Lord make me a rainbow i'll shine down on my mother, she'll know i'm safe with you when she stands under my colors."