Saturday, September 18, 2010

A little unbearable

Dear Mikkie angel,

I know I say I'm going to be strong, I'm trying, but tonight the pain is a little unbearable. My heart aches. I just watched a beautiful movie (and true story) called "Letters to God" and sobbed uncontrollably. It shared a lot of neat thoughts. One thing that stuck out to me was when a man told the little boy (who's suffering brain cancer) that God hand-picked him, that he was one of His warriors. I thought that was so sweet. I'm not sure how that would relate to this situation....I'm definitely not a warrior, and I still don't feel I'm as strong as God would believe me to be.

We went to Costco today and we put Faith in the cart, and just like last time she asked pointing next to her, "Is this Mikkie's seat?" My heart sank. I nod and gently tell her "Yes, sweetie, this is Mikkie's spot." I always loved the carts at Costco because they were two-seaters, I didn't have to put Faith in with the groceries in back. I miss playing with you in the cart, making funny faces, and hearing you laugh causing others around to turn and adore you. One time a sweet old man asked "Now, what aisle can I get these sweeties on?" pointing to you two. I said, "Sorry sir, they are one-of-a-kind." You are. You are irreplaceable and you will always have a special place in my heart...after all, you did take a piece of it with you when you left. A big piece.

I am going to need extra strength and comfort tonight, sweetheart. Strange enough, I'm already starting to feel better as I'm finishing this. It's amazing what happens when you take time to think and ponder. I'm glad I'm writing these letters to you. I know you're reading them, and they are really helping me sort through my feelings and it just feels good to talk to you and to talk of you.

Until next time baby girl of mine....

your mommy


Traci said...

Laura - I remember seeing that trailer and thinking about how hard that movie would be to watch. You're amazing! It hits so close to home for you. I have nothing new to say. I still love you. I still miss her. I still wish I could change the way things are. Just wanted you to know I'm reading your notes to Mikkie and love each one.


Lisa R.D. said...

Our kids watched this movie a couple of weeks ago... I couldn't sit in with them because it was just too hard. I know that things aren't easy right now... I can imagine that every single day you have moments like the one you had at Costco where yours and Tim's and Faith's routine are just not right. You are strong and I hope you will continue to be blessed and comforted!