Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Misery is optional

My dear Mikkie,

I'm finding myself aching more for Faith now. Lately some of her friends leave her out, run away leaving her behind and say they only want to play with one friend. It really cuts me deep to see her running inside with a confused, saddened look. I think that's one of the things that hurts me the most....and probably hurts me more than it does her. You were a constant friend always ready to play and despite the normal sister quarrels, you two got along great and loved being with each other very much. Friends are great, but family is where it's at. Friends come and go, your family is always there. You are very fortunate if you have at least one true friend, one you can always count on, pick up where you left off and be yourself around. I have a couple of those and I feel very blessed, they're basically like my sisters....but I'd see no point in life without my family.
I think it's good that we got Kuzco. It helps ease the pain a bit and feels a little less lonely, somebody else to play with and boss around. :) Besides wanting another child, one reason we had you when we did is so Faith could have a playmate. I wanted you to be close in age. We couldn't have asked for anyone more perfect than you.
Oh Mikkie, I really hope that she can feel you near, to always have your company. If you could only be with one person, I'd want you to be with your sister. I hope and pray, and hope and pray some more that she will not forget you. But how could you forget your best friend.


In other news, I've been feeling rather miserable lately. This morning, after once again starting off the day with a bad attitude, this quote came to mind, "Adversity is inevitable, misery is optional." You mean to say I choose to be miserable? Why would anyone choose that? I don't know, but I do know that if you don't already have in mind how you'll be/act in certain situations, misery will gladly step in. Like drugs...if you don't already have your mind set to just say no, then you're going to have a harder time when the situation presents itself.
So it is with adversity, if you don't have your mind set to be at least positive (if not happy), then misery and pessimism will step in by default every time.
Also, you can't just pray for something and expect it to happen, you gotta give it your all first. I've been finding myself praying to be filled with compassion and Christlike love and then go on like before expecting something to change. God can't make us do anything, we have free agency. I'm miserable because of the choices I make. Even though I'm in a very undesirable circumstance, I can still choose to be happy. Misery is optional. I also saw something else along with that quote somewhere that said "The enemy will never attack where you are strongest...He will attack where you are weakest. If you do not know your weakest point, be certain, your enemy will." I'm for certain that satan knows my weaknesses better than I do, that's why I've been miserable.....misery likes company and he's about as miserable as they come.

As I read and search the scriptures and the church site, I realize how much there is to learn! I probably haven't even covered 1/4 of it all. I keep coming across some great talks and books and am so grateful for the inspired words as they help me so much.

Thanks for being patient with me as I vent and share some thoughts (no matter how unorganized) that are on my mind. I hope I don't sound too ridiculous and hope that I don't come across as sounding like I've got this all down pat....it's more like I'm sharing things that I realize I need to work harder at, and will need to continue trying each and every day. It's taken me almost a week to write you again....I don't want my thoughts coming out more depressing and jumbled than they probably already are.

I think of you always baby girl. After this morning, it was a pretty good day and I'm feeling more hope and more love. I'm feeling happy. I hope you know how much I love you.

Love,

mama

5 comments:

Traci said...

Great advice about having a choice about your happiness. I love this one-- "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." Keep trying to see the light. There is one there... and it will only get brighter as you work at it! Love you - you're in my prayers.

Jenny said...

I love those quotes. I love the words of our apostles and prophets as well. I agree with you that I love reading and studying them. So many times I will find answers in them. I've made an effort to listen to the scriptures (next to my bed, on my ipod) every morning right when I wake up. I've been doing well for a couple of weeks,until the other day, I didn't. That day was horrible! I realized about halfway through that I didn't read them and ran to my room and grabbed my ipod and listened and immediately felt the calm of the spirit and felt more grounded. Again, I love reading this sweet blog and continue to learn from you. May the Lord bless you, Laura to feel peace and comfort, and to bless Faithy and Tim as well. Love you guys!

Terri said...

Amen, Jenny and Traci! You and your dear family are loved very much, Laura!

The Jessee Journal said...

I think I need all of those quotes. In capital letters. In vinyl. On every surface of my home :) Great post and great thoughts Laura!

Anonymous said...

All day long I have been listening to the song "held" by natalie grant. I saw it on another mom's blog who also lost her daughter. She said it gave her comfort. I loved it so much it has been on repeat today. Maybe you will like it too? Please know others you don't even know pray for your comfort and peace!