Focal point

My sweet Mikkie,

Yesterday was hard for your daddy, and I was a little more solemn than I expected. It's been exactly a month ago yesterday since you left us. It's hard to believe. I'm grateful though, that time is being gracious enough to pass by so quickly. Each day that passes is a day closer to being with you.

Your daddy was crying thinking back on that dreadful day. We usually ping pong emotions where one of us is strong while the other is struggling a little more. I think it's good that way so that there's at least one of us to help lift the other. A thought came to me and I told him, "as hard as it is, we can't think of that; instead let's think of when she was living and focus on being reunited with her." I said:

You know when you're in labor and you usually have something to focus on to help get you through.....well, of course not, I'm the one that went through the labor, not you :), but the point is I had a focal point in my mind, something happy to focus on to help keep my mind off things. My focal point each time was imagining holding and hugging my little baby in my arms. That made me happy and motivated me to continue on and work even harder to get them here. We need to do the same thing now....focus on seeing our Mikkie, holding and hugging her in our arms again, which will strengthen and motivate us to work even harder to get back to her. We need to keep that focus.

Your daddy agreed and it seemed to comfort him. It comforted me too. I absolutely cannot lose that focus.

I think all the stress on my body is finally added up and taking its toll on me, I'm extremely worn out. My mind is a little fuddled tonight so I hope this letter makes a little sense. I will go to bed now with this image fresh in my mind.....hugging and holding you tight. I can't wait.

I love you my baby angel!

Love,

your mama, who, even though can't focus on what to write, will focus on our sweet reunion